Understanding these 3 circles will help you manage stress and make you feel better!

What if I ask you to write down everything that cause you stress? anyone experiencing thought blocks?, or is that list growing? According to WHO Stress is a natural human response that address challenges and threats in our lives. To some extent, stress help you to perform your best to reach your goals. When stress is positive, creative and the outcome is rewarding we can call it eustress. When you have prepared well for a presentation, an exam or a sporting event and just before the start you may be experiencing eustress and you feel great once the event is over. On the other hand we have distress is unpleasant, negative and non creative. We are not going in to the details of eustress vs distress but are looking at Stephen Covey‘s circle of control, influence and concern to manage stress.

1. Circle of Concern

If you look at that list of stressors you wrote down in the beginning( or noted in your head because you are reading this while a toddler jumping on you), you may see a lot of the worries are in this circle. Weather is so bad, I can’t go for a run, inflation is too high I can’t afford to buy the things I want, my kid is sick or in my case not my little girl is not eating anything I worry that she is having gastric reflexes. These are the things that matters to us but dwelling in this circle is increasing our stress levels, so let’s go to circle of influence.

2. Circle of Influence

This is where you have no immediate control over the outcome but you can influence it. Think about above listed worries, Inflation is high I have no control over it but I can make a budget for my financial well being, or think about a side hustle for some extra money. Weather is bad but I can wear appropriate clothing to go out.

How I used circle of influence to get my girl eating

In my example, as I said earlier I was worried about my daughter not eating much. But then I thought, she doesn’t really see me eating either. I was doing intermittent fasting and always skipping breakfast. She is at day care for lunch and I eat dinner after her in the evening. So, I decided to set an example and started eating breakfast and dinner with her. I let her help me with pouring cereals or making breakfast/dinner and then we sit down and eat together. I also talked to her about digestive system and how food gives you energy to swing in the monkey bar and dance(that clicked) also showed her kid friendly videos on digestive system. she is 3.5 she can understand!

3. Circle of control

This is where you have immediate control, let’s look at our examples. Weather is bad, but I can have a positive attitude and still go out wearing appropriate clothing. I can decide how I spend my money, how I behave financially. In my example, I can control what I offer my child to eat. I can show her I am eating too.

Circles of concern, Influence and Control in Proactive Vs Reactive People

If you are a proactive person you will be working within your circle of influence rather than your circle of concern. When you are faced with a challenge, you will think how can I influence the outcome of this situation. A reactive person will think, there is nothing I can do. The circle of influence will be bigger than the circle of concern for a proactive person. Circle of concern will be bigger than circle of influence in a reactive person. We want to work towards being proactive since proactive people act and reactive people get acted upon. Act or be acted upon like Stephen Covey says in his book 7 habits of highly effective people.

Are you reactive or proactive in managing stress. I can be a bit of both! Would you like me to write more about on my take on the 7 habits. Let me know what do you think in the comments below.

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